Then he gave me a tour of that building, the central building on the grounds, though by no means the only one. He showed me two special prayer rooms, concluding our tour and leaving me alone in the second one. I took a few pictures and texted my family to tell them my only communication with them would be a daily text message to assure them I’m well and still love them. Then I got comfortable and began to read the first of Fr. Ryan’s suggested scriptures, Is. 43:1-7. “I have redeemed you, and you are mine.” (God guide my pen as I write, and may my words be a prayer.)
This reminds me of Paul’s words in 1 Cor., “You are not your own – you were bought with a price.” I often feel my greatest struggle in life is to “keep belonging” to God – to cling to him. I forget that I belong whether I know it or not, feel it or not. It is not clinging to God that is the struggle. It is not belonging to God that is difficult, it is NOT belonging to him. As Catherine of Siena said, “Hell is hell all the way to hell, and heaven is heaven all the way to heaven.” My worst moments are when I function independently from him, acting like I in fact AM my own. Indeed, this captures much of why I have come. I have come in obedience to God, in recognition that I am his (and have always been, like Christy has been my girl from the start). I have come to soak in it, to “get it” a little bit more. I have come, maybe, to dream of what it would be like to not only know that truth, but to make my home in it.
Fell asleep in that prayer room, meditating on this passage, so left there, stopped to get coffee, stopped by the chapel where they were doing the Mass, and finally came back to my room to unpack and make my home here. As boring as unpacking was, I was aware of not wanting to finish, as it was really the only thing to “do.” There is probably not one TV on this whole campus (blows are obviously being struck here for freedom). I have been encouraged to listen to worship music, but I do not trust myself not to abuse my iPod, so I have left it setting.
I wanted to get this first leg of my journey written down so I do not forget it. I am growing more and more tired, and am going to nap until dinner. Of course dinner is in 2 1/2 hours. I take 20 minute naps. What will I do when I wake up? I will be in the presence of God. Why isn’t that enough?