My dear Facebook friends:
What I am about to say will not be easy to hear. But I am saying it because I l care about you and want what’s best for you. After all, if you had a booger on your lip, I’d tell you. If you had toilet paper sticking out of your pants, I’d tell you. If you had bad breath, I’d give you a mint.
In the name of all that’s holy, as a creature created by a loving God who wants good things for you, please, please, please consider checking out Google+. There is so much better out there for you than Facebook. It’s hidden in plain sight. There are hundreds of millions of people right now with boogers on their lips and most of us are doing almost nothing. It’s a crisis, and I have to speak out.
Please remove that booger. One day you’ll be so embarrassed! (Remember MySpace?) I know it’s hard to hear, but I had to tell you this. Friends don’t let friends wallow in Facebook’s mud when there’s a crystal clear pool within reach. But in order for the transition to work, a lot of people need to move over there at once. So get ready.
1…2…3…JUMP! Enjoy your new found freedom!