Thoughts about gay people and Christianity


church in a gay friendly city

Sitges, Sspain – March 3, 2012: Church of Sant Bartomeu i Santa Tecla in Sitges, Spain. The 17th century church next to the sea is an iconic building of the gay-friendly city. (

I don’t understand the gay people and Christianity thing. I’m talking about the extent to which the evangelical church is willing to alienate one of our society’s most persecuted groups in the name of doctrinal purity, or what they usually call, “holiness.” When this word is used in regard to the gay debate, it is nearly always used inappropriately, as least as far as I am concerned. Holiness is ultimately about wholeness, about being pure, being “one,” seeing the world in a unified way, being shot through with only one thing, which Christians say is supposed to be love. Only usually it isn’t.

The Bible claims that God has many attributes such as anger and wrath, justice, jealousy, etc., but there is only one quality that God apparently IS, and that quality is love. To be holy/godly, then, is to be loving. That means the more you are nothing but love, the more godly/holy you are. I recently found this from someone on Facebook:

…we are to stand for Holiness. If we are passionate for Christ then our walk will have to be on the narrow path where we live uncompromising in a value set that is aligned with a Holy God. I am reminded of the judgment of a Holy God on sin depicted throughout His Word. The person must be separated from the act otherwise we are self convicting but we cannot accept compromised standards.

The person must be separated from the act? We cannot accept compromised standards? Is this person’s holy book the Bible or the Torah?

Dear reader, we are what we do, and we do what we are (in Jesus’ words, “a tree is known by its fruit”). Most of us do both good and evil because we are both good and evil. The more loving we are, the less we will be anything but love and the less we are anything but that one thing that is God, the holier we are. This seems obvious to me, but I realize a lot of people did not learn this growing up. A lot of people (including me) learned that holiness is somehow connected to doctrinal purity, to the extent to which we will not tolerate evil in ourselves or in the world around us. This is not holiness. The Old Testament speaks of God hating sin and not tolerating it and judging people and nations for it, but we hear none (I repeat — none!) of this from God-in-the flesh-Jesus. In fact the Apostle John says, “The lights shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.” (John 1:5). In contrast to our OT images of God, apparently God is actually quite comfortable surrounded by darkness, for which I’m grateful, else on many days there wouldn’t be even a sliver of light in my own heart. Though the quoted words off Facebook above probably seem very spiritual to some people, and elicited several “Amens” on the thread where I found them, the writer (who seems very well-intentioned) is mixing up holiness and doctrinal purity. They are simply not the same thing. Holiness is not only being lovING, but being love itself, as God is love. Doctrinal purity is — something else. According to Jesus, the person who loves deeply sees all the doctrines as pointing to love. But such a person surely is not arriving at love by following all of those doctrines! If so, the Apostle Paul couldn’t have written Romans, and if so there’d have been no need for Jesus. If so, Jesus couldn’t have had a single complaint with the Pharisees.

By now you might say, “What does this have to do with gay people and Christianity?” What do you think it has to do with gay people and Christianity?

Of course since God is not human, God’s love may look quite different than human love. How are we supposed to know what it looks like? Not coincidentally, the Christian story is that God became human specifically in order to show us what love looks like when it’s done well, when it’s “holy,” when it’s done God’s way. Christians believe we can look at Jesus to see what love looks like. In turn, Jesus told some stories about the love of God, such as the prodigal son. In his stories about love, and in his actions, we see almost exclusively (exceptions dealt with in a moment) a God who loves without limit and without condition. In the prodigal son, the father does not wait to hear the son’s apology. He does not even make sure the son knew how wrong and sinful he had been. As he walked the streets of Palestine, Jesus healed and taught and forgave sins. But he forgave sins almost wantonly, often forgiving the sins of people who did not even ask! He often did not wait for repentance from the one being forgiven. He did not ever once require someone to follow the typical evangelical path to God. Again, when asked what was the greatest commandment, Jesus’ answer was not doctrinal purity, or repentance, or being right, it was love for God and others. To this Jesus added, “All the law and the prophets hang on this.” In other words, the Jewish laws and the words of their greatest teachers had to be understood in the light of love — love comes first and is the filter, the appropriate viewing lens, for the rules, doctrines, laws, etc. It is not the other way around, even though that’s pretty much how we’ve practiced it for — well, forever in at least some corner of the world.

What have I established so far? Simply that most evangelicals are still willing to alienate and deeply hurt one of society’s most persecuted groups of people in the name of “God” or “holiness,” but they have a predominantly Old Testament understanding of holiness as meeting God’s demands and requirements, when this is the exact opposite of what Jesus lived and taught as God enfleshed. The message of Jesus was “It’s impossible. You can’t be perfect. And you don’t need to be.”

*[It’s another post entirely, but often these same people also have an almost exclusively OT understanding of what God requires of nations and leaders, which is the justification many of them use for hating and fearing the current president. They will, in fact, be vastly more comfortable with a person who talks like a good evangelical and supports their political views, but almost never attends church (such as Ronald Reagan), than with someone who does not speak evangelical language or share their political views but worships regularly at a local church (such as Bill Clinton). Source]

Did you know there is not one example in the gospels where Jesus ever demands that a person repent before he will love them, associate with them, heal them, etc.? The majority of the time when Jesus healed, it is not recorded that he said anything at all about sin, which is worth thinking about deeply on its own. A few times he said something like, “Go and sin no more.” But that was always AFTER he had touched them and healed them, after he had extended to them his tender, healing ministry of love. This, in itself, is enough to invalidate the approach of the majority of the evangelical church to the gay community as individuals, as a group, as a political force, and as people created, chosen, and dearly loved by God.

I propose Christians should do the same, since the word Christian means, literally, “little Christs.” No Christian should ever allow him or herself to risk hurting or alienating gay people (or anyone else) until they have first immersed themselves in the pain and struggle of a gay individual. It is only in doing this that a Christian can come close enough to a gay person to touch them, to listen, to help bring healing to their wounds. When a person has thoroughly immersed him or herself in the pain of a gay person, and actually healed some of their wounds (not just tried, failed, and then blamed their failure on the gay person — our current substantially inadequate approach), then they may speak up. They may get vocal and be forthright in their theology. It would be in accordance with Jesus’ words on the log and the speck, right?

You might say, “But Dave, I can’t personally experience the hurt and pain of every single person to whom I need to speak the truth and ‘take a stand.'” That is true. What might that mean?

I have a feeling that by the time a Christian has done this, whatever finely honed arguments they may have had about holiness, and all pretty-sounding words about the demands of a holy God, will drop off like the abstract, theological separators they are, as they are subsumed by actual holiness, which — as we see modeled in Jesus — involves actually going out and healing and touching human beings who have lives and stories.

If Jesus were here today, I wonder which community he’d be hanging out in, who he would be loving and supporting and who he would be chastising? Unfortunately, I have an idea…

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14 thoughts on “Thoughts about gay people and Christianity

  1. Thanks for taking the time to clarify these thoughts. I struggled for a long time about how to reconcile my love for Jesus and my love for my family and friends who are gay and lesbian. Then I had an epiphany. I don’t have to have it all figured out. God just wants me to be loving. He can handle the difficult stuff, but he needs me to be love here on earth.

  2. Thank you for this amazing piece. It provided so many answers to the questions I have had (& heard others have) on this controversial topic. I have gay cousins, gay neighbors & could NEVER pass judgement on them in spite of their “sinful” life style. Ultimately, we are ALL sinners. I’m sure glad the final judgement share be dolled out by a loving, just God.

  3. I wish to add my AMEN to this, and thank you for one of the best writings I’ve read on the subject

  4. This… is long. 🙂

    Love is the greatest, and most misinterpreted message in the Bible, IMHO. Thank you for sharing this openly.

    • Ha! It IS long! I often break up longer posts into series, but usually people will read through hot topics like this even when they are long.

      I like to think pretty deeply into things and when I post a series, it nearly always runs out of steam with people before I finish the series. If I think I can keep people engaged, it’s best to get everything into one post.

      Thanks for reading and responding, and for sharing however you can!

  5. This is what I posted :

    Jessica I agree , not saying all of them do that. Some or I’ll even say most are trying to do what they feel is a good thing . Spreading the love so to speak , and for most people their God or higher power is based on love and to be love. Unfortunately it is the ones that play the holier than though card and “you are going to burn in hell if you don’t think, feel , act and say how I think you should do it” they are the ones that taint the efforts of the others that are truly just out there trying to be helpful , show love in hopes that there will be on door that they knocked on really needed them to knock on it that day.
    The amazing thing and also the perplexing thing about religion or faith or belief is how wide the spectrum of interpretation of what it is.
    For instance Jessica you don’t believe in God, but I do, yet we both love our families, our neighborhood , etc. does me believing in God make me better than you or visa versa……in my opinion and my feeling is No. Everyone chooses what feels right for their journey and at the basis of our core is love!
    So when religious church going person puts judgement out there I get frustrated because they are missing the mark!
    Anyways that is why when they come to my door, I usually tell them that there are things that I agree with them on and things I don’t , thank them for trying to spread the love and I hope they are able to help someone find their peace.

  6. Hi Dave great words and thoughts! It is funny there is a post on my neighborhood Facebook page where I was pointing out some of the same things, not towards the gay issue but the love issue. Thanks for spreading the love!

  7. I’ve read a good book on the same topic…..”Love is an Orientation”. It’s about loving others, and leaving the judging (if needed) to God.

  8. Very well written. I’ve known several gay people in my lifetime…I’m old. I’ve always found them to be very likable, very helpful, true friends to me. I love the persons but hate their life style. I know of one, in particular, who prayed and accepted Christ before he died. I have others on my prayer list. They need Christ and grace as much as I do.

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