How to break up with your church, prt. 2 (of 5)

broken-rope-breaking-up-with-your-church

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…continued from How to break up with your church, prt. 1

2. When you break up with your church, avoid a litany of insults and criticisms

In any human relationship, this will be destructive and hurtful, and it will certainly be the same for your relationship with your soon-to-be-former church and pastor. Every pastor has been on the receiving end of this too many times.

  • We don’t like….
  • You have never…
  • We’re frustrated/angry because…
  • If only you were/were not the kind of person who…
  • God told me you need to…
  • The problem is [your preaching, your theology, this or that personal flaw or failure, this program or lack thereof, this or that person, etc. ]…

Have you ever been in any relationship where you never told the other person that something was bothering you until the moment you ended the relationship? That would be super dysfunctional, right? The vast majority of the time, the first time I ever hear many complaints (and every pastor I know would agree) is when a person/couple is telling me they are leaving the church. Of course there is actually little point in sharing it at that time. A person’s choice not to discuss it sooner, when there was an opportunity to fix what was broken, may be largely responsible for why they are now leaving in frustration.

 

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