What You Can’t Afford Not to Know About Your Marriage

communication - what you can't afford not to know


DISCLAIMER: This post contains a lot of generalizations, named such because they are generally true. They may not be true about you or your relationship.

One of the things I love about blogging is that I get to give away my secrets. In this post I’m going to teach you something so important that you simply cannot afford to not know it. As soon as I tell you this, you need to begin considering this stuff and building on this information that might be brand new. If you do, you will see communication in your marriage begin to improve almost immediately. It’s that important.

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The Reality That Is Making Me More Liberal (theologically)

Crowd of People -- working with people


People who don’t work with people day in and day out, in the trenches of their lives, can afford to philosophize about people, to make up abstractions, and talk about the rightness/wrongness of people in philosophical terms, holding people up to their abstractions and deciding who fits and who is lacking and how so.

But in all my years working with people, for example, I’ve never seen “homosexuality.” Never once.

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My Confession

my confession - man praying before cross

I have a confession to make.

I see grace growing in my life.

I see an ability growing in my life to withstand loss and suffering. I don’t love it, but I can do it, and I do not fear it.

I see growing in my life, imperfectly but perceptibly, the capacity to be criticized and respond with unforced kindness and love.

I see in my life the beginnings of a genuine love and care for the one person I have never been able to love. Me.

I also see in my life areas of deep brokenness and darkness, with perhaps more clarity than I have ever seen them before. And yet they do not depress or discourage me, as I know one day they too will be forgiven, redeemed, and brought into the light.

I know this does not come from me, because it started at the very moment I ran out of me and seemingly had nothing left at all.

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Why I’m Done Arguing From Scripture About Homosexuality

homosexuality -- hate and love

During the days of slavery, people who kept countering the “Biblical” arguments for slavery with the “Biblical” arguments for the end of slavery were wasting their time. The very back and forth of it made it seem like possibly those who argued from scripture in support of slavery had a point at least worth opposing.

Instead, somebody needed to stand up and say, “I don’t give a damn what scriptures you throw at me, or how you spin them. Slavery is WRONG, and you’re sick, and that’s the end of it. Call me a heretic or whatever, but the universe arcs toward justice and in the end you’ll have been on the wrong side of both history and theology.”

Likewise, I don’t care what scriptures people are throwing out to justify the discrimination and hatred against gays. And let me be clear — it’s hatred on a level that is hard to imagine.I’m not talking about merely taking a theoretical position for or against “homosexuality.” I’m talking about a way of treating people whose sexual preference is different from your own. That is where you see the hatred. I’m thinking now of all those people who called and canceled their child sponsorships with World Vision because they didn’t like the idea that they might end up drinking at the same water foundation as a gay person. Apparently not even feeding hungry children is worth doing if a gay person’s hands might touch the food first.

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Should Intolerance Be Tolerated?


I used to think it was hypocritical when people would claim to be tolerant, and yet not tolerate the intolerance of others. But should intolerance be tolerated?

I now realize that if a person is truly tolerant, intolerance is a characteristic they MUST NOT tolerate. [Tweet this]

Tolerance is actually a very low standard. It is not the belief that all views are equally valid, nor that all opinions are equally credible, and it is certainly does not even come close to what Jesus taught as “agape,” which is unconditional love.

Tolerance is simply the idea that a society functions best when a person’s beliefs are not used as grounds for hatred, discrimination, or violence. A person who sincerely embraces this idea cannot, at the same time, support its opposite.

All values have logical limits. One may believe in and practice free speech, but one may not yell “Fire” in a crowded movie theater just for fun. That endangers people.

A Christian church that claims to be “open and accepting” could not reasonably be called hypocritical for refusing to let an avowed atheist preach the Sunday sermon. It cannot support “openness” to a point where it begins actually working against its core message.

One may be intolerant (it is ignorant, but not criminal), but one cannot reasonably expect someone who believes in tolerance to support intolerance. [Tweet this]

After all, that person sincerely believes that intolerance endangers people.

The next time you are opposing a person’s intolerance, and they accuse you of being intolerant of their intolerance, send them here. Or at least make this argument.